The best and the worst parents may still have surprises

David and Marva Coombs

Parenting is not easy! In fact, it is the most challenging--can be the most heartbreaking--and yet one of the most rewarding experiences of life. Few things are as important than good parenting skills. 

People tend to follow the example of their parents. If their parents were not good role models, then they may have unresolved anger towards them. This needs to be faced and resolved by forgiving their parents, who likely did the best they knew how. They themselves were raised by imperfect parents. How well we parent can be affected by how well we have forgiven our parents for their mistakes; we hope our children will do the same for us.

The best gift a father could ever give his children is to love their mother and vice versa. This relationship sets the tone for a stable family. When children see their dad and mom being tender, kind and affectionate with each other, they feel safe. When they see their parents resolve their differences without being ugly; they feel at peace. Peaceful children are easier to raise.

We are blessed by the attitude that children are on loan to us from Heavenly Father, and we want to do all we can to prepare them to return home to Him. We are humbled by the thought that God will ask us to give an accounting of our parenting when we stand before Him to be judged. Parenting is a sacred privilege and honor. This attitude colors how we talk to our children, how we nurture them and how we relate to them.

We show our love by spending time working and playing together.  A truck driver said he knew he had been spending too much time on the road away from home when his little girl said, “Daddy, will you come visit me again soon?” Children need to feel our hugs and hear love in our voices as we teach them and especially when we discipline them. We all want to be the best examples of Christ-like behavior as we can be. Our greatest joy comes from feeling successful in our roles as parents. Most parents pray earnestly that their children will be happy and successful. 

Occasionally, in spite of our best efforts, some of the worst kids come from the best homes. Conversely and surprisingly, some of the best kids come from some of the worst homes.

We have to remember that we as parents are not the only force that influences the lives of our children. We may be good parents and provide the best environment emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically. But there are many factors over which we have no control. Each child comes with a unique personality already hard-wired into their psyche. Kids may develop into adults who are stubborn, independent and unresponsive to good counsel. Their sexual orientation may be a surprise. 

They may be mentally brilliant or have learning disabilities. They may have a pre-disposition to addictions to alcohol or other drugs. They may be affected by their cultural surroundings and be readily influenced by bad friends. They may be born with diseases that permanently alter their lives. 

Most parents do all they can to be the best they possibly can be, but they may have to resign themselves to the fact that even their best efforts may not produce their expectations. Moms and dads need not judge the eternal destiny of their children because they cannot know what changes their children will make somewhere between now and God’s final judgement. That’s why parents can never lose hope or never give up on their wayward children.

Some children are absolutely amazing and wonderful, but parents cannot necessarily take credit for their successes and achievements. Their children may have come that way from Heavenly Father bringing with them their own gifts and abilities.

Additionally, children have their agency with the power to choose for themselves what they will do with their lives. Their choices may or may not reflect their home life. As stated in the beginning: parenting is the most challenging--can be the most heartbreaking--and yet can be he most rewarding experience of their lives. Parents can only do their best and leave the rest to God.

Dr. Coombs is a professional marriage, family and individual counselor. Call 435-705-3579 or email to dmcoombs@gmail.com or visit drcoombsmarriageandfamily.blogspot.com.