Learning to be professional problem solvers

David and Marva Coombs

At times, life seems to be like a soap opera as people are thrust into solving one problem after another. Yet life would be dull without problems to challenge us. In fact, many learn to welcome problems and even to enjoy facing them, solving them, overcoming them and finding solutions to them. As people mature, they find they get better at solving problems, and continue to do so by using the following skills.

First, they choose to have a positive attitude. They have confidence they can do what needs to be done. They hate putting things off. They like confronting life as it comes and doing what needs to be done when it needs doing. Many successful professionals make “to do” lists every morning. Those items that are finished first are often the most uncomfortable, least enjoyable duties. It feels good to get them done and out of the way.

Second, they understand that they don’t have to solve all problems alone. It is wise to talk things over with others to clarify thinking and get valuable feedback. It is good to have spouses, friends, co-workers who are good listeners--who may not necessarily give advice, but do provide safety to explore feelings and ideas. Sometimes that’s all people need to find the right course of action. 

Another technique that people use that clarifies their thinking is to journalize their feelings. Seeing thoughts in black and white allows them to stand back and be objective and gives opportunity to see more options. Listing the pros and cons helps them to make good choices. 

Third, they know the value of saying “no” when too many demands are placed upon them, and they simply can’t do it all. They know that they could easily get overloaded if they said “yes” to everything. 

A dear friend telephoned Michelle to ask a favor at a time when Michelle was already feeling the pressures of a full schedule. While Michelle liked to help and to please others, she wisely said, “Thank you for thinking of me. I would love to do it, but at the present time I cannot. I hope you will ask me again because you know I would love to help if I could.” 

Of course, emergencies occasionally require people to set aside everything else and focus on immediate, extraordinary needs.  Then they simply put everything else on hold with confidence they can deal with it later.

Fourth, they know the three “D’s” of problem solving: dump, delegate and do. When over-whelmed, they dump things off their “to do” list, things that would be nice to have done but can wait. If something has to be done but not necessarily by them, they delegate it by referring it to others or possibly hiring it out. That which is left over is that which they have to do. They don’t procrastinate, they just get the jobs done.

Fifth, they know their limitations. If they have a medical problem, they see a doctor; a legal issue, they see an attorney; a plumbing problem, they call a plumber; a psychological or marital problem, they see a professional counselor. They know when they are not qualified to solve a problem, so they call in the experts.

Sixth, they realize that they are not always successful in solving every problem. They have learned to deal with disappointment. They are flexible and can handle defeat when things don’t go their way.  After all, they have learned that they often learn more from their failures than from their successes. The mistake is not in falling but in not getting up and trying again.

Seventh, they realize their dependence upon the Lord. He says, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing” (John 15:5). They readily call upon God who freely gives to those who are doing their best even when their best seems insufficient. With the grace of God, they can accomplish much.

Finally, they know the power of self-talk. They could say “I can’t handle this. It is too much.” But instead they wisely say, “I can handle this and I will because, with the Lord by my side, I am indeed a professional problem solver.”

Dr. Coombs is in private practice as a professional marriage, family and individual counselor. Call 435-705-3579 or email to dmcoombs@gmail.com or visit drcoombsmarriageand,family.blogspot.com. 

Our obsession with beautiful bodies

Today’s society is obsessed with beautiful bodies.  Some people are out of balance as they seek to have bodies that only 5% of our population possess.  Many of the other 95% are frustrated in their efforts to achieve the impossible.  All of us have bodies that are shaped and sized following the genetic patterns established by our progenitors.  Eating wisely and exercising properly will help people maximize their potential, and they will be happier when they accept and are grateful for the bodies they have been given.

The media bombards us with pictures of men and women who have bodies that have been digitally enhanced.  What we see most often are not real people, yet we are given messages that our bodies are unacceptable, unless of course, we buy and use wonderful, new, even magical, products.  The effects of the products are at best temporary and the end result is still the same:  few people like the bodies they have.  

Almost all of us wish our bodies were different in one way or another.  Even super models struggle with self-esteem and live in fear that they will lose their beauty.  Some people think that they will only be accepted if they maintain the perfect outward appearance and fear that they will never be loved for what they are on the inside.  Unfortunately, people continue to be taken in by the media; they continue to believe their core value is determined by the shape and size of their bodies. 

Adults and youths are being seduced into thinking that their happiness lies in having a perfect shape.  Cosmetic surgeons busily and profitably sculpt bodies into something more acceptable.  Women in increasing numbers suffer the terrible effects of bulimia and anorexia because they are caught in their fixations for perfectly thin bodies.  

Some invest fortunes, time, and energy, in worrying about appearances that in the eternal scheme are of little consequence.  On the other hand, others declare their independence from foolish pride and vanity and refuse to be controlled by the tyranny of media images.  

Death ultimately comes to all people with the promise of perfectly resurrected bodies.  Will our resurrected bodies be short or tall, thin or wide?  Will anyone even care?  Will it make a difference in how we experience eternal life?

What if we spent our energy developing our inner beauty?  Are we over-emphasizing the things that matter least and losing sight of the things that matter most?

Actually, people of all sizes and shapes have found they can be happy, can love and be loved, can marry successfully, can have children, and can enjoy happy and fulfilling lives just as they are.

How refreshing to see husbands and wives assure each other of their love and devotion even though their bodies have gone through the interesting changes caused by aging.  Three cheers for  people who have learned to look beyond outward appearances to the basic goodness and rich qualities found in those who make and honor commitments, are positive, enjoy life, and create genuine companionships.

Beauty still is only skin deep.  People must not be blinded by society’s definition of beauty but look instead for well-developed minds and shapely character.  The most important attributes to develop are to love God and one another, live Christlike lives, and enjoy the blessings of happiness in this life with the assurance of receiving eternal joy in the next.  

Dr. Coombs is a professional marriage, family, and individual therapist with a private practice in Washington City.  He and his wife, Marva write articles together and offer presentations on strengthening marriage and family.  Call them at 435-272-4292 or email them at dmcoombs@gmail.com.