Developing an attitude of gratitude

       In a previous article, we discussed how appropriate it is that we begin the holiday season with Thanksgiving.  Someone said that gratitude is the gateway to heaven and is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others. We all work harder when people express their love and appreciation to us for our efforts. It feels good to see others’ eyes sparkle when we express our appreciation to them?

Every marriage is blessed when spouses declare their gratitude for each other. Every family member shines as parents freely express gratitude to their children and as children express appreciation to their parents. Homes where this is done seem all ablaze with love.

In their anecdotes, those who have died and been resuscitated impressively speak of the intense love they felt while they briefly visited the spirit world. Upon returning to mortality, they emphasize their love for family and friends. They are more affectionate, tender and grateful individuals, and sometimes manifest complete character reversals. We can learn from their experiences and examples by giving up our petty hurts and grudges and by counting our blessings.

 Gratitude, a divine gift, can be cultivated by expressing thanks in all things and at all times. While we cannot expect to be happy all the time, it is possible to be happy most of the time as we maintain hearts full of appreciation. Giving thanks can dispel gloom and despair.  It is difficult to be depressed and be full of thanksgiving at the same time. Gratitude is synonymous with rejoicing in the Lord for all that we have.  It cultivates a spirit of abundance even when we are economically poor. Posting Psalms 118:24 somewhere in our homes can provide us with this daily reminder: “This is the day the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

The Savior healed ten men of dreaded leprosy, and the story teaches us the importance of gratitude. (Luke 17:11-19). What a life-changing experience this must have been for those men! As lepers they were outcasts of society, suffering from a disease for which there was no cure and cut off from family and friends. Think what it must have been like to be isolated from everyone, never feeling the warmth of a hug or a tender touch from loved ones, and having to warn people to maintain their distance by crying, “Unclean, Unclean!” That was all changed in an instant.

Of course, those healed went away rejoicing. Yet of the ten who were so miraculously healed, only one returned to give thanks and “to give glory to God.” The Savior, who must have felt hurt and disappointed, asked a penetrating question, “Were there not ten cleansed? but where are the nine” (Luke 17:19).

How often has God performed miracles in our lives that we have barely noticed? We don’t want to lack gratitude like the nine who failed to give thanks for being healed. What spectacular moments or quiet miracles can we acknowledge this Thanksgiving season and every day? 

God has promised us the abundant life as we give thanks for the gift of His son. We praise Him for His love. When we pray, we first give thanks for our blessings before seeking His  help with those issues troubling us. As often as our petitions are granted, may we rush to give thanks to God and to acknowledge His hand in all things. It is amazing how an attitude of gratitude can lead us into a life of near perpetual joy.

Why do we often feel insignificant?

         When we look at the vast number of of stars in the sky and read scientific reports that numberless galaxies and solar systems exist capable of sustaining earths like our own, we wonder and question what our place is among God’s creations. The Apostle Paul stated that God, by His son, “made the worlds” (Hebrews 1:2). It is easy to feel insignificant because we mortals have difficulty wrapping our minds around the idea that, with so many earths and with so many people, our Heavenly Father could have time to care for and to love each one of us. 

On a smaller scale, as people take their turns on this earth, many find themselves battling feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. It begins with criticism at home. Then people work their way through elementary, high school, and post high-school education constantly being evaluated by one test or another. Because tests favor the proficient and are based on comparisons, most students are reminded over and over again that they are not good enough.

In the critical years of youth and young adulthood, most feel they are lacking. They are not good looking enough, don’t wear the right clothes, don’t come from the right homes, don’t have a nice car or any car at all, don’t have positions of leadership, don’t run with the popular crowd, are not athletic and do not achieve academically. Horrors if any have a weight problem, learning disability or are cursed with acne.

To feel valued and significant, many look for ways they can be recognized by others. They want to feel successful at something, to be number one at anything and to receive visible rewards to validate their worth. Some listen to motivational speeches that inspire them to work harder, to achieve more, to always be the best and to distinguish themselves above all others. To reach the top, they think they have to be talented, beautiful, rich, powerful and famous. Some are willing to sacrifice marriage, children, friends and their integrity in order to achieve worldly goals.

But stop! Wait! Think! The trouble with this pursuit of excellence is that too often people are striving to selfishly satisfy their egos. They are obsessed with seeking the approval of others, forgetting that others are not their final judges. These obsessions undermine their relationship with God--who, they may think, obviously is busy somewhere else, maybe in another galaxy. They ask, “How can He care about me?”

To overcome feeling insignificant, people need to better understand their relationship with their Heavenly Father. We are children of a loving God and we are important to Him. God has the unlimited capacity to care, know, understand and love all of His children, regardless of how many children He has. We are happiest and know our worth best when we are doing what He would have us do. He has given us commandments that clearly mark the way to happiness in this life and the next. Those who are obedient are favored.

Our ultimate choices in life are not between being rich or poor or between being high or low achievements or between fame or obscurity. Our important choices are simply between right and wrong.

Every soul is valued and important. All are capable of being exalted regardless of any learning disabilities or mortal defects or handicaps. All, especially those who feel inferior and suffer with low esteem, are invited to come unto Jesus and be perfected in Him. No one is more likely to succeed spiritually if they are wealthy, lovely, educated or have prominent positions in this life than if they are poor, plain, uneducated and unsung.

Earl Nightingale, a famous motivational speaker in the 1950s, gave the definition of success as “the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” When Christ gave the command to be perfect (Matthew 5:48), He invited us all to get on the path of righteousness that eventually leads His followers to become like Him. Is there any more worthy ideal?

So, do people have to be super smart, be high achievers, be highly visible or be wildly successful at something to get God’s attention? No, the blessings of heaven are for all those who are meek and lowly in heart. In paradise, there is no spirit of competition or thinking of one person as better than another. Every soul is precious. All are significant and highly esteemed by the Lord.

Dr. Coombs is a professional marriage, family and individual counselor. Call 435-272-4292 or email to dmcoombs@gmail.com or visit drcoombsmarriageandfamily.blogspot.com  

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David and Marva Coombs
dmcoombs@gmail.com

1296 West Red Butte

Washington City, UT 84780

435 272-4292
435 705-3579

Learning to be professional problem solvers

David and Marva Coombs

At times, life seems to be like a soap opera as people are thrust into solving one problem after another. Yet life would be dull without problems to challenge us. In fact, many learn to welcome problems and even to enjoy facing them, solving them, overcoming them and finding solutions to them. As people mature, they find they get better at solving problems, and continue to do so by using the following skills.

First, they choose to have a positive attitude. They have confidence they can do what needs to be done. They hate putting things off. They like confronting life as it comes and doing what needs to be done when it needs doing. Many successful professionals make “to do” lists every morning. Those items that are finished first are often the most uncomfortable, least enjoyable duties. It feels good to get them done and out of the way.

Second, they understand that they don’t have to solve all problems alone. It is wise to talk things over with others to clarify thinking and get valuable feedback. It is good to have spouses, friends, co-workers who are good listeners--who may not necessarily give advice, but do provide safety to explore feelings and ideas. Sometimes that’s all people need to find the right course of action. 

Another technique that people use that clarifies their thinking is to journalize their feelings. Seeing thoughts in black and white allows them to stand back and be objective and gives opportunity to see more options. Listing the pros and cons helps them to make good choices. 

Third, they know the value of saying “no” when too many demands are placed upon them, and they simply can’t do it all. They know that they could easily get overloaded if they said “yes” to everything. 

A dear friend telephoned Michelle to ask a favor at a time when Michelle was already feeling the pressures of a full schedule. While Michelle liked to help and to please others, she wisely said, “Thank you for thinking of me. I would love to do it, but at the present time I cannot. I hope you will ask me again because you know I would love to help if I could.” 

Of course, emergencies occasionally require people to set aside everything else and focus on immediate, extraordinary needs.  Then they simply put everything else on hold with confidence they can deal with it later.

Fourth, they know the three “D’s” of problem solving: dump, delegate and do. When over-whelmed, they dump things off their “to do” list, things that would be nice to have done but can wait. If something has to be done but not necessarily by them, they delegate it by referring it to others or possibly hiring it out. That which is left over is that which they have to do. They don’t procrastinate, they just get the jobs done.

Fifth, they know their limitations. If they have a medical problem, they see a doctor; a legal issue, they see an attorney; a plumbing problem, they call a plumber; a psychological or marital problem, they see a professional counselor. They know when they are not qualified to solve a problem, so they call in the experts.

Sixth, they realize that they are not always successful in solving every problem. They have learned to deal with disappointment. They are flexible and can handle defeat when things don’t go their way.  After all, they have learned that they often learn more from their failures than from their successes. The mistake is not in falling but in not getting up and trying again.

Seventh, they realize their dependence upon the Lord. He says, “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing” (John 15:5). They readily call upon God who freely gives to those who are doing their best even when their best seems insufficient. With the grace of God, they can accomplish much.

Finally, they know the power of self-talk. They could say “I can’t handle this. It is too much.” But instead they wisely say, “I can handle this and I will because, with the Lord by my side, I am indeed a professional problem solver.”

Dr. Coombs is in private practice as a professional marriage, family and individual counselor. Call 435-705-3579 or email to dmcoombs@gmail.com or visit drcoombsmarriageand,family.blogspot.com. 

Our obsession with beautiful bodies

Today’s society is obsessed with beautiful bodies.  Some people are out of balance as they seek to have bodies that only 5% of our population possess.  Many of the other 95% are frustrated in their efforts to achieve the impossible.  All of us have bodies that are shaped and sized following the genetic patterns established by our progenitors.  Eating wisely and exercising properly will help people maximize their potential, and they will be happier when they accept and are grateful for the bodies they have been given.

The media bombards us with pictures of men and women who have bodies that have been digitally enhanced.  What we see most often are not real people, yet we are given messages that our bodies are unacceptable, unless of course, we buy and use wonderful, new, even magical, products.  The effects of the products are at best temporary and the end result is still the same:  few people like the bodies they have.  

Almost all of us wish our bodies were different in one way or another.  Even super models struggle with self-esteem and live in fear that they will lose their beauty.  Some people think that they will only be accepted if they maintain the perfect outward appearance and fear that they will never be loved for what they are on the inside.  Unfortunately, people continue to be taken in by the media; they continue to believe their core value is determined by the shape and size of their bodies. 

Adults and youths are being seduced into thinking that their happiness lies in having a perfect shape.  Cosmetic surgeons busily and profitably sculpt bodies into something more acceptable.  Women in increasing numbers suffer the terrible effects of bulimia and anorexia because they are caught in their fixations for perfectly thin bodies.  

Some invest fortunes, time, and energy, in worrying about appearances that in the eternal scheme are of little consequence.  On the other hand, others declare their independence from foolish pride and vanity and refuse to be controlled by the tyranny of media images.  

Death ultimately comes to all people with the promise of perfectly resurrected bodies.  Will our resurrected bodies be short or tall, thin or wide?  Will anyone even care?  Will it make a difference in how we experience eternal life?

What if we spent our energy developing our inner beauty?  Are we over-emphasizing the things that matter least and losing sight of the things that matter most?

Actually, people of all sizes and shapes have found they can be happy, can love and be loved, can marry successfully, can have children, and can enjoy happy and fulfilling lives just as they are.

How refreshing to see husbands and wives assure each other of their love and devotion even though their bodies have gone through the interesting changes caused by aging.  Three cheers for  people who have learned to look beyond outward appearances to the basic goodness and rich qualities found in those who make and honor commitments, are positive, enjoy life, and create genuine companionships.

Beauty still is only skin deep.  People must not be blinded by society’s definition of beauty but look instead for well-developed minds and shapely character.  The most important attributes to develop are to love God and one another, live Christlike lives, and enjoy the blessings of happiness in this life with the assurance of receiving eternal joy in the next.  

Dr. Coombs is a professional marriage, family, and individual therapist with a private practice in Washington City.  He and his wife, Marva write articles together and offer presentations on strengthening marriage and family.  Call them at 435-272-4292 or email them at dmcoombs@gmail.com.

Having faith when God doesn’t make sense

At times, our faith is tried and tested to see if we will still believe in a loving God even when, to us, He doesn’t make sense. Isaiah reminds us that God thinks differently than we do: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

We have been witnesses to senseless tragedies: mentally disturbed gunmen shooting innocent people in movie theaters, churches and schools; airliners piloted by terrorists crash into public buildings; children abused and murdered; loved ones suffered painful illnesses for long periods of time.

Some ask the big question: “How can a loving God allow such things to happen?” This question supposes that, if Heavenly Father were truly loving, He would not allow any of us or our loved ones to be hurt, injured, or die. 

However, we know earth life is not meant to be free from all sorrows. We learn more from our difficulties and our challenges than from our excitements and pleasure. Disappointment can lead to determination; failure can lead to success; rejection can pave the path to greater adventures. Set backs can be stepping stones to growth. It is through overcoming challenges that people learn faith

The Book of Daniel, tells of three faithful followers of God who were threatened with death if they did not deny their faith. King Nebuchadnessar of Babylon gave Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego the choice to either bow down to a golden image or be cast into a fiery furnace. They said with confidence that they were sure God would deliver them but then, remarkably added, “But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image” (Daniel 3:18).

Faith-centered families today have the same confidence that God can bless them with answers to their prayers, “but if not,” their faith in God is not shattered. They know not all prayers are granted; there are times when the answer is “no” or “not yet.”

Bad things happen to good people, yet because of their faith, they are not angry with God; they realize He has the big picture in mind and knows what is best for them better than they know. They know God can heal, “but if not”--. They know God can protect them and their loved ones from harm, evil, and accident, “but if not”--. God can return their loved ones, who have spiritually strayed, back to the fold,” but if not”--. God can control election outcomes to their liking, “but if not”--. God can bless them with wealth, ”but if not”--. 

People can pray for the ideal spouse and beautiful children, “but if not”--. They can pray that loved ones will be delivered from their addictions, ”But if not”--. They can pray for rain and the end of the drought, ”But if not”--. Regardless of how prayers are answered, the faithful remain committed to keeping the commandments of God. They resonate with Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.”

The lyrics of a gospel song gives comfort: “When God says no to you,/  It’s such a blow to you,/ When all your hopes and dreams/ Unravel at the seams./ It’s hard to rest within His will,/ It’s hard to trust and just be still,/ It’s hard to simply wait until/ It’s all made plain./ He who holds us in his hands,/ Has no problems only plans./ He who has control of all,/ Sees the smallest sparrow fall./ He who acts where no one knows,/ Does not sleep as we suppose,/ But works in all things,/ In great or small things,/ For His own glory/ And our best good” (Haven of Rest Quartet Ministries. “Sail On”).

We could pray to live in Camelot and know that if God wanted it for us, He would grant it. “But if not,” we will remain firm, steadfast and immoveable in our devotion to the one and only true God who sometimes, in our limited view, doesn’t make sense.

Dr. Coombs is a professional marriage, family, and individual counselor.  Call 435-272-4292 or send an email to dmcoombs@gmail.com. 

Pornography destroys individuals, marriages, and families

Pornography destroys individuals, marriages, and families

David and Marva Coombs

The addiction to pornography is one of the most pernicious evils of our day, and it is the most difficult addiction to break. Alcohol, nicotine and the myriad of mind-altering drugs are all powerfully addictive, but in time, these poisons can be eliminated from the body. Pornography is stored in the brain and is available for instant recall.

The addiction to pornography starts with curiosity reinforced by the great lie that it only effects viewers and no one else. Most young boys, teenagers, and men have been exposed to this filth. Many of their female counterparts have also been caught in its trap.  

A married man’s addiction to pornography is similar to adultery; he is fantasizing sexual relations and “hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt 5:28) via magazines, television, movies, or computers. This evil cripples men’s abilities to be good husbands and fathers. They experience difficulty having healthy relationships with the females in their lives. When pornography is brought into the home, it is often discovered by children, and the poison spreads to the next generation. 

Understandably, wives of husbands addicted to pornography feel betrayed. They feel they are being negatively compared to other women; they are repulsed by it and lose respect for their husbands. Wives distance themselves and pull away from their husbands physically, sexually, emotionally, and spiritually. People’s addictions to pornography have caused many divorces. Those caught in this terrible snare must do everything in their power to escape it without delay. Escape cannot be delayed as the captivity of pornography will only get stronger. The Twelve-Step Program used in Alcoholics Anonymous is as effective in overcoming addictions to pornography as it is for overcoming alcohol or any other addiction, particularly when reference to a Higher Power is replaced with people’s calling on our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The twelve-step program for wives also helps them to better understand their husbands and to have the strength to aid their husbands through recovery.

In addition to joining support groups, victims of this addiction can feast upon the words of Christ and call upon Heavenly Father in fervent prayer for His aid. Jesus is mighty to save. Finally and importantly, those caught in this addiction and their families must not give up hope. Many have overcome this horrid addiction and have done so with their marriages intact and even stronger and better than ever before.

 

Dr. David Coombs is a professional marriage, family and individual counselor.  Call 435-272-4292 or email to dmcoombs@gmail.com.