It’s a Lie! Don’t Believe It!
                                            David H. Coombs, Ed.d, MFT

     A popular magazine seen in many counselors’offices, recently published articles written to normalize and justify pornography. These articles suggests that pornography is harmless and can be an effective tool to help couples achieve the height of sexual pleasure. Further, these articles claim pornography should be viewed not only by men but also should be enjoyed by women as well. This magazine suggests that pornography is only harmful when it creates unnecessary guilt caused by teachings of religious zealots.
    These articles lie. Pornography does pose a serious threat to our society and to the sanctity of marriage, and it undermines the quality of healthy relationships. For better instruction, see the website FightTheNewDrug.com that details how the poison of porn effects the brain and ruins lives. Also see the work done by premier relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman online at the Gottman Institute: “Open letter on Porn.” I applaud the recent movement to declare pornography a serious health hazard that should be banned.
    We have the benefit of reliable studies and reports published by scholars, who are not religious zealots, that leave no doubt about the  destructive nature of pornography. Additionally, I support those faiths that have joined the fight against this evil in our society. Pornography is a billion-dollar industry that cares nothing about who they harm. Who do you think is behind this movement to normalize something so despicable? Who will benefit the most from a push to justify this addiction and to have it in every home?
    Many young children already have been exposed to the filth of porn from discovering it in their homes, on their dad’s computer, or find XXX movies on the top shelves of the bookcase. Their friends have shared it with them on their cell phones or I-pads. Wives have had their hearts broken by their husbands’ addiction to porn. These wives feel objectified by their husbands’ lust; normal sexual relationships have vanished, empathy and compassion have disappeared, and women’s dreams of healthy relationships have been crushed.
    Boys’ exposed to porn develop distorted views of girls when they delve deeper into the darkness of their addiction for the rush of distorted sexual activity. Girls and women have been made to believe that, to be considered sexually desirable, they must dress immodestly, have their bodies sculpted, and have false breasts implanted, so they can imitate what appears in pornographic images.
    Wives feel that they cannot compete with the women portrayed in porn. In fact, pornography propaganda claims it is the wives fault when their husbands stray to have imaginary sex with other women. Women who pose for the pornographers’ cameras are seriously abused and traumatized. They too are victims of the trade. No parents would want their daughters exploited this way.
    Some porn sites portray violence toward women which lead some men to think that this is what women want or deserve. This violence destroys sensitivity needed for an intimate and sensitive connection. As a result boys and men do not learn to treat girls and women with kindness, courtesy, and respect.
    Porn creates unrealistic expectations—a supernormal experience that cannot be duplicated in normal couple relationships; consequently, pornography reduces the satisfaction for both. Those addicted have the false impression that their partners should be ready on demand for unusual sex play. Pornography prescribes that husbands are to dominate, and wives must willingly submit. How does such thinking promote a quality relationship in which both partners feel equally valued? How many divorces can trace pornography as the root cause?
    These articles tell men and women that the use of pornography is normal and natural; it claims that since it doesn’t effect anybody else, no one is harmed. The reality is that it does negatively effect men and the women in many areas of their lives. When men look to their sweethearts to participate in unwanted and undesirable sexual activity and are rebuffed, these men become angry and rude and lash out; any tenderness or emotional closeness they may have had is gone.
    The addict does not realize the spiritual damage caused by sexual addiction till overwhelmed with guilt and shame. Guilt is knowing you are doing bad, and shame is feeling you are bad. This leaves the addict in isolation, cut off from God and from normal, healthy relationships. These two things: God’s love and the love of others are the very things needed for successful recovery. Just coming out of the shadows and admitting one needs help is the first step.Those addicted to drugs can eventually have the poisons eliminated from their bodies; but those addicted to porn have all the sordid images in their minds and readily available for instant recall; that makes recovery harder. However, recovery is possible. I repeat: recovery is possible; addicts can overcome their addiction with hard work and divine assistance.
    Oh, by the way, did I mention I have cancelled my subscription to this magazine?

Dr. Coombs is a licensed marriage and family therapist with his office in Washington, Utah. Contact him at 435-705-3579, email to DrDavidCoombs@gmail.com or visit Dr.DavidCoombs.com.